Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
