How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
