With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
