I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
