she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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