Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
