Im at strip club and am horny
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
