Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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