You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
