Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
