Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
