you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
