I can text with my tongue
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
