Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
