I smell stomach acid.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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