i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
