people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
