i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
