You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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