She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just pee around me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
