Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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