Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
