hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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