Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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