textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
