Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were destined to go to rehab together
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
