No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
