Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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