I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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