yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
