I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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