You smell like a Billy Joel song
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
