I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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