Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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