Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
