Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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