i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
