I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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