Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
