I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
