are you still at the devil's house?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You are the jesus of drinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
