I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
