Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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