The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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