I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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