Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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