the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
