then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
