the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
