i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
