Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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